The Breakup Repair Kit by Marni Kamis

Author:Marni Kamis
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781609251611
Publisher: Red Wheel Weiser

Today, class, we are going to talk about what we learned from dating all those boys. Each boyfriend teaches us something we need to know about ourselves. And if we haven't learned our lessons, we are to forever repeat them with future boyfriends until we do. We call this the curse of the unlearned lesson.

Men are sold “as is.” You can't change a man so don't try. It's not your job. Make it a rule never to sign up for changing anyone but yourself. Learning lessons from each relationship helps you improve yourself. We can't blame them for what went wrong, we're the ones who agreed to go out with them in the first place. Evaluate the part you played in your relationship. When you break up, take what you've learned from the relationship and vow not to do the same thing again . . . lest you be cursed with the unlearned lesson.

So how do you learn this lesson once and for all?

Step 1: Awareness. Recognize the faults you saw in him. That may seem easy if it was a bad breakup. But remember that people who do heartless things are in pain. Recognize that he might have been scared or lonely or felt inadequate. Step into his shoes to see the person behind those traits. You may recognize some similar traits of your own. We are all attracted to someone who is like us in some way. Remember that everyone hurts sometimes. Everyone wants love. Everyone struggles to find his or her own way. Your ex-boyfriend (hopefully) wasn't trying to be an evil person. Find compassion for his faults and the emotions he was feeling during the relationship.

Step 2: Acceptance. Accept that you have faults, too. You wouldn't recognize his faults if you didn't have them yourself. Just as you wouldn't recognize jealousy in other people if you didn't know what the concept of jealousy meant. Mother Theresa felt nothing but compassion for the killers and rapists she visited on death row because all she knew how to feel toward herself was compassion. She had no self-hatred and could therefore not see hatred in others. These are not faults; they are just places where you still have work to do. Recognizing and owning these traits is huge.

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